Written by Mama Monday

Depression. Miscarriage. Infertility. These are three words that carry a huge stigma in our mommy culture today. Three unfortunate experiences that make women everywhere either hide their face in shame or keep quiet so that no one will question what they did to cause this. It may sound really abrasive to you but think about it: If you’ve ever experienced any of these did you go and shout it off of the roof tops for the world to know? My guess is that you probably didn’t and if you did, well, my hand goes out to you for you are braver than I have been.

I know, I know; you’re probably wondering why on Earth I’m thinking about this. Well, it was all prompted by my friend’s Facebook status on Mother’s Day. My friend, Daphne, posted this on her Facebook profile, “It’s a bittersweet Mother’s Day today. Grateful for [my son] E and the joy, laughter, love and entertainment he brings to our life and has for the last 2.5 years. But also mourning for the two sweet babies we recently lost to two miscarriages. So this Mother’s [D]ay, hug your little ones just a little tighter, hold them just a little longer and remember we get to be moms because of them! Thank you God for E!” When your friend hurts you hurt; it’s the law of friendship. I wondered how Daphne was feeling, if she had confided in someone or at least let others know the loss she was mourning that weekend.

Depression. Miscarriage. Infertility. All three are isolating. No mother chooses to struggle with depression. No mother wants to feel the pain and loss of life from within her womb. No woman longs to feel emptiness as she walks through infertility. And yet sometimes we feel like we have to walk through this alone.

Daphne shared with me that her reason for sharing the news of her miscarriage with people was because people had been asking her when she was going to become pregnant again. The pain that the question caused encouraged her to be open with people about what she was going through. By sharing her own experience with others she’s found comfort in the arms of friends, encouragement in the form of living plants given to her by friends and prayers whispered to help heal her heart.

What are we waiting for? Are we waiting for someone to ask us if we’re struggling? Here I go: Hi, my name is Bert and I’ve been diagnosed with depression since my son was four months old. The first four months of my son’s life were very dark and while I have slipped back into my depression twice since my diagnosis. I’m in a good place now and I’m so thankful for this. 

Call me crazy but I am an Aplix loving mama and sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one. I know that can’t be the case; surely one of you reading likes Aplix. My oldest, Brennan, was very easy to distract during diaper changes. When he was still in diapers snaps were still fairly new to the cloth diapering scene so my stash consisted primarily of diapers that had Aplix closures. Then my daughter Kendall came into the world and the cloth diapers that I used to make her stash were snaps. That’s when I realized that I preferred Aplix over snaps. If you prefer snaps or simply haven’t tried Aplix you may be asking yourself, “Bert, why do you like Aplix? It wears and tears with washes. Sooner or later you have to replace it and what a pain that will be!” That may be true but there are many other benefits to Aplix and I’m ready to list them out to you:

• Fast diaper changes: If you have a squirmy baby like my little Kendall then all of those snaps can be a major pain. Aplix makes for an uber fast diaper change. You don’t have to match up snaps to get the perfect fit. Wham bam thank you ma’am, diaper change doneso! 
• Less intimidating for those who aren’t familiar with cloth diapers. My mom always comments on the number of snaps on some of my newer diapers. It’s not that it’s more difficult to use a diaper that has snaps but in my opinion it’s the intimidation factor.
• No indents on baby’s skin. Now, this is probably more telling in how I put a diaper on than anything else but I have found that some snaps leave an indentation on the hips of my daughter. Is it a deal breaker? No, but it just further cements my feelings on Aplix.

This is why I love Thirsties; they offer BOTH my beloved Aplix and the close second is, of course, snaps. And my all time favorite diaper cover is Thirsties’ diaper cover…look at the closure. Mmmmhmmm! I rest my case.

Tell me, are you an Aplix Babe or a Sassy Snaps Mama?

For the first time during my entire mothering experience I have finally understood why Mother’s Day was created. It was a Tuesday; Brennan had been giving me a hard time for the entire day. Keep in mind that Brennan is four and a half so when he gives me a hard time it’s in the form of disrespect, mouthing off, and complete disobedience. On this particular day my normally polite child demanded a snack. If I said “no” this resulted in a complete temper tantrum; face beet red, arms flailing, and feet stomping. This behavior continued whenever I declined any request he made – gargantuan or minute.

Typically I’m a tougher mom than to let my four and a half year old affect my emotions so much but after the fifth demand to watch a TV show and the fifth meltdown at the undesired answer of his request I had reached my limit. It probably has more to do with the fact that my lady friend was visiting that day so hormones were definitely raging.

After a few more tantrums I did what any mom in today’s world would do: I took to the world of social media to voice my frustrations. “I feel like all I am seen as today is a maid and cook,” I declared to the Facebook world. Seeing my job change announcement my other mommy friends clicked that ever so popular like button and then explained that they weren’t liking the fact that I felt that way rather they completely resonated with how I was feeling. I felt like taking Brennan by the shoulders and saying, “Look kid, I took you to the library this morning can’t you be appreciative of that?” Of course, I didn’t do this; besides there’s really no way of reasoning with anyone under the age of 18 but you better believe that I wanted to. Thankfully my better judgment kicked in.

Isn’t this the truth though? As mothers we give and give and give; I know that all I really want is for someone to say, “thank you.” The irony is that when I was a child I willingly took anything my mother wanted to give to me. Like Brennan, I too badgered and nagged my mom until I got what I wanted and if I didn’t, I’m certain I went into full tantrum mode.

At the end of the day, after my husband had come home and the kids were in bed, I sat back and thought about everything that had happened. I thought about how I was feeling, wondered if what I was doing was more than just wiping butts and making chicken nuggets. Then an image of my own mom popped into my head and I instantly felt guilty. Had I treated her this way? Did she have days like this when I was a child living at home? I’m sure that she did and you know what? Her constant care taking of me has made me the woman I am today. Her selfless nature taught me how to be selfless with my own children.

Mother’s Day is this weekend and my challenge to you is to think of a way to thank your own mom for those difficult days. What will you do?

I think my son, Brennan, was a little over two years when he became obsessed with taking his diaper off. That was back in the day when diapers with snaps were a rarity so toddler removal was fairly easy. Thankfully, he grew out of the phase and I learned my lesson by putting him in pants that also had snaps. Then, a few months before he turned three he started the potty training process; we went with the naked approach which was effective, however, it created a little nudist! Many times I could be heard exclaiming, “Brennan put your clothes on!” Naturally, these phases passed but there’s one phase that we recently went through that had me wanting to rip my hair out!

It started out with an obsession with pajamas. Brennan would get dressed in the morning and by lunchtime he was in a new pair of PJ’s. Afternoon would come and he had to do another PJ change. I thought the PJ phase would make me go insane but I was wrong. Let me introduce you to the cause of my questionable sanity for the last six weeks. Meet Mighty Mouse. This brilliant shirt was a present to Brennan from my in-laws. I think his original love for the shirt came from a misunderstanding that it was Mickey Mouse and then he remembered that his Grandpa and Nana gave it to him. That fact only increased his love for it.

Day in and day out, for what felt like an eternity, Brennan would emerge from his bedroom wearing this bright orange shirt. I really honed my negotiating skills; every outing was a struggle because, of course Mighty Mouse had to be worn, whether or not he was filthy. From what I’ve read most children go through this clothing phase. For my sister, it was a purple dress with red knit tights, at the age of four. For my friend’s daughter it was a tutu with pink leggings. Here’s what I do know from personal experience:

• As difficult as it is, don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s a phase of independence that every child must go through. Really what other things can they really control in their little world? Don’t squash the independence phase.
• No one keeps track of what your child wears every day except for you. Really, why did this shirt bother me so much? No one else cares about it, nor do they really remember what my child is wearing day in and day out.
• Kids will be kids; pick and choose your battles. I found that I had to remind myself of  this frequently.

Has your child gone through this? What did you do? It’s okay, you can vent your frustration here…I won’t tell.

I think my awareness of taking care of the environment started out by watching the ’90′s TV show Clarissa Explains it All. The main character, Clarissa, always had awesome earrings and crazy bright colors to go with her outfit. One of the episodes was about recycling and reusing waste and for that episode Clarissa (played by actress, Melissa Joan Heart) wore these cool globe earrings. Sigh. Clarissa was so cool; anyways, that’s really when I started taking notice of the environment and the impact I have on it.

Fast forward a couple decades and insert one baby and well, you’ve got quite the dilemma. Now I need to think about the impact I’m making on the environment not only for myself but for my children who will (hopefully) be here longer than I will be. When my husband and I decided to use cloth diapers on our son it was purely for monetary savings. Neither one of us was thinking about the fact that we would be helping out the environment by producing less waste sitting in a landfill. Shortly after I started using cloth diapers I started to see waste, garbage if you will, differently.

Suddenly I felt guilty about mindlessly throwing anything away; had using cloth diapers altered my view on waste this much? Some may argue that it didn’t but let me share with you the ways that I’ve become greener since we made the decision to use cloth on our babies’ bums:

*Switched from disposable swim diapers to cloth diapers.

*Started using environmentally friendly household cleaners like white distilled vinegar.

*Stopped using tampons and switched over to a menstrual cup that can be reused.

*Started using reusable shopping bags, Ziplock bags, cleaning rags and reusable Swiffer sweepers and dry jet.

*Choosing to use safer, eco-friendly laundry detergent.

I could go on and on but this isn’t about me and the greener choices that I’ve made. This is about you! Think to yourself about the changes that you’ve made since you started using cloth diapers on your baby. Have you made any changes? If you have, tell me about them! I love being inspired by others. And for more information on Earth Day please visit this website.