Depression. Miscarriage. Infertility. These are three words that carry a huge stigma in our mommy culture today. Three unfortunate experiences that make women everywhere either hide their face in shame or keep quiet so that no one will question what they did to cause this. It may sound really abrasive to you but think about it: If you've ever experienced any of these did you go and shout it off of the roof tops for the world to know? My guess is that you probably didn't and if you did, well, my hand goes out to you for you are braver than I have been.
I know, I know; you're probably wondering why on Earth I'm thinking about this. Well, it was all prompted by my friend's Facebook status on Mother's Day. My friend, Daphne, posted this on her Facebook profile, "It's a bittersweet Mother's Day today. Grateful for [my son] E and the joy, laughter, love and entertainment he brings to our life and has for the last 2.5 years. But also mourning for the two sweet babies we recently lost to two miscarriages. So this Mother's [D]ay, hug your little ones just a little tighter, hold them just a little longer and remember we get to be moms because of them! Thank you God for E!" When your friend hurts you hurt; it's the law of friendship. I wondered how Daphne was feeling, if she had confided in someone or at least let others know the loss she was mourning that weekend. Depression. Miscarriage. Infertility. All three are isolating. No mother chooses to struggle with depression. No mother wants to feel the pain and loss of life from within her womb. No woman longs to feel emptiness as she walks through infertility. And yet sometimes we feel like we have to walk through this alone. Daphne shared with me that her reason for sharing the news of her miscarriage with people was because people had been asking her when she was going to become pregnant again. The pain that the question caused encouraged her to be open with people about what she was going through. By sharing her own experience with others she's found comfort in the arms of friends, encouragement in the form of living plants given to her by friends and prayers whispered to help heal her heart. What are we waiting for? Are we waiting for someone to ask us if we're struggling? Here I go: Hi, my name is Bert and I've been diagnosed with depression since my son was four months old. The first four months of my son's life were very dark and while I have slipped back into my depression twice since my diagnosis. I'm in a good place now and I'm so thankful for this.
I have not experienced the loss of a child and feel for those that have. I however struggle with depression. Depression is depression no matter how mild or severe it is. I was asked once why are you depressed ? Well don’t you think if I knew I would fix it , do you think I enjoy feeling like this? That was my response. Why is it others think it just so easy to “snap” out of it?
Thanks for this post! I think it’s great that the mom you mentioned had the courage to post what she was really going through.
I occasionally suffer from mild depression. It is usually triggered by a lot of stress. There have been a few times when it got bad enough that I couldn’t even bring myself to get up to get my kids dinner even when they were screaming at me. I haven’t felt comfortable sharing that with a lot of people, and I feel like the main reason was that it’s not that bad of depression (maybe not even real depression, if there is such a thing), so I’m afraid people will scoff and think I don’t know what suffering really means, or something like that. Or sometimes I just figure people will be uncomfortable or worry too much about me if I tell them. I have often wanted to comment about it to friends, but something always stops me.
Thanks for including depression. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a little one at any stage of the game & really feel for my friends, relatives & complete strangers who have; but it’s also hard to explain when you’re feeling down for no discernible reason at all.
I realized how down I was feeling on Mother’s Day (for no discernible reason) when I looked back & realized I wasn’t in any of the pictures. I usually make a point of getting in the pictures, especially for a day that I’m being honored…
Hi Bert,
You are right, we don’t want to admit these things, as if it is a flaw. We are afraid to tell others that there is something wrong. We are taught to put a smile on our face no matter what. We can still smile, but what we need to remember is to reach out to those close to us. As women, we need our woman friends and family to confide in.I am sure that we would be surprised to find out that most women have experienced one of these things at one point in their lives.
~Sonya
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