My husband and I thought that our family was complete with our two girls, Lauren now six and a half, and Kate, who just turned
four. Imagine our surprise when we learned we were expecting a third. And our shock when we found out I was carrying a boy!
We were both thrilled to see the boy parts on the ultrasound. We couldn’t believe it. We had been so sure we would have another girl. And we were fine with another girl. We know girls. We love baby girls and we already have lots of pink. I was interested to see, other than the obvious, how boys and girls are different as babies, before the pressures and expectations of society’s gender rules would affect their behavior.
For Cooper’s newborn months, he was a sweet baby, rather androgynous as most babies are, and the only differences were diaper changes and blue clothes. He was an avid nurser and loved mama best, but so did my girls. He was colicky and loved to held and snuggled and was not fond of the car-seat–but my girls were the same.
I started noticing differences around the ages of six months when Cooper began to take an interest in toys. I made sure to expose him to both girls toys–which we had in plenty–and boy toys–which we were just starting to acquire. If I handed Cooper a doll, he would glance at it and throw it. If I handed him a block or a ball he seemed more interested. Now in hindsight, I am wondering if throwing the doll was more about the throwing and less about disliking the doll. At almost 14 months, he loves, loves, loves to throw things.
By the age of 14 months, Lauren our first child, had 40 words. I know because we counted–I was much more on top of her baby book (don’t tell the other two!). Cooper at the same age has a total of four words–mama, good girl (guh guh) which he calls our dog and bah (ball). However, he pretty much exclusively says ball. He’s always on the lookout for them. The neighbors have basketballs in their front yard so he loves to stand on his changing table and look out the window pointing and repeating “Bah, bah, bah, bah!” When he was finding eggs, hidden in plain sight in the grass on Easter, he went around pointing and gleefully saying “Bah! Bah!” I have never seen a child so obsessed with balls. As a female, I have to say, I just don’t get it. They’re boring. They aren’t fuzzy or necessarily colorful. They don’t have expressions or frills. But after doing a little research, I found out that the wiring in males brains makes them attracted to things that move. Maybe it’s the old hunting instinct coming through.
I’d by lying if I said my husband and I weren’t thrilled and amazed by our little man and his emerging skills, personality and his pre-manlike love of the remote control. But I am determined to teach my little boy to give kisses–right now all I’ve gotten are a few fat lips because he also loves to head butt me. Sigh. At least we’ll be mixing up the girl drama with some head butting, right?
Cute post! I have one of each older boy 4 and my younger girl 2. My fave story about the difference between sexes is from the last time they both went to the doctor. Gave them both tounge depressers and he uses them as drum sticks and tools to fix the chair in the room. She uses them to file her nails! I was amazed… Thought for sure shee would copy my son because she’s in the monkey see monkey do phase, but she wanted to her and myself mani/pedi
My son has the same obsession with balls at 19 months and only has a few words too. Anything that is circular or sphere shaped is a ball and MUST be noticed and talked about immediately.
However my little boo is the sweetest little papa to all his stuffed animals and freely gives kisses to his mama and sometimes papa. Of course my husband and I have both been modeling this concept of being gentle and loving to the stuffies & baby dolls knowing one day we’ll add a second child. Though it doesn’t mean we don’t still get head-butted or pounced on.
So hope on for those kisses!
Whether or not a kid likes balls doesn’t have anything to do with what is between their legs. I think you are noticing the differences in your kids’ personalities and not differences in boys and girls in general.
Agreed, Mel! Also, the fact that a personality trait or interest shows up early, even in infants, does not automatically mean that it is due to nature rather than nurture. Babies are incredibly receptive to even very subtle cues, encouragement, etc., from parents and caregivers. For example, you note that your son was exposed to both “girl” toys and “boy” toys, but that the “girl” toys you already had (due to your daughters), but that the “boy” toys were all newly acquired, which indicates that your daughters only had “girl” toys. Maybe if your daughters had been exposed to and encouraged to use “boy” toys, they would have liked them too. Not picking on you or anything, just trying to show that even theoretically open-minded parents often unconsciously act in ways that support the gender divide.
Interesting point, Mel. I only have one, a girl, but at 10 months, she is most fascinated with her blocks, balls and books. She doesn’t care much at all about dolls or stuffed toys. It’ll be interesting to see how, if at all, that changes over time.
I was somewhat doubtful of the whole “girls are more verbal than boys” thing — but watching a class of mostly silent 2-year-old boys and then having a slightly younger girl introduced (who chatted non-stop!) was a real eye-opener…
I’ve been wondering about this having a 2 month old boy, a 2.5 year old girl & a (almost) 5 year old girl. Great post!
I thought our son was as boy as boy can be, he was only intrested in cars, trucks, balls, blocks… typical boy things. But as soon as I said these observations out loud, the next day he started carrying a teddy bear on his hip and pushing it in his shopping cart. go figure.
Also, I make a conscious effort not to object when he picks the pink toys to play with (bikes at the bike store, etc.). He doesn’t know any different, but I do get defensive when others try to swap the pink for a ‘boy color’.
I hope to one day have two to compare…but I love how my girl loves to play with trucks and play in the dirt with rocks and sticks and more!
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